7 parenting tips to stop the tantrums
Parenting a child with ADHD is rewarding yet challenging, especially when it comes to managing tantrums. Children with ADHD can be more prone to emotional outbursts, and these can feel unpredictable and overwhelming for parents. However, with the right behavior management strategies, you can help your child develop self-regulation skills while fostering a peaceful home environment.
Here are some quick, easy, and effective behavior management techniques tailored to help you and your child navigate challenging moments together.
1. Set Clear Expectations in Advance
Many children with ADHD struggle with understanding and anticipating what’s coming next, which can lead to frustration and tantrums. By setting clear, simple expectations for behaviors ahead of time, you help your child understand what is expected, making it easier for them to cooperate.
How to Set Clear Expectations:
Use visual aids, like a behavior chart or daily schedule, to show what they should be doing.
Before transitioning to a new activity, remind them of the plan, keeping instructions short and simple.
Reinforce positive behaviors by celebrating when they meet expectations.
Quick Tip: Limit the number of rules. Too many can be overwhelming and harder to remember.
2. Use “When-Then” of “If-Then” Statements
“When-then” statements create a clear connection between completing a task and getting a reward. It reinforces positive behavior without punishment and reduces the likelihood of power struggles. For instance, instead of “Put your toys away right now!” say, “When you put your toys away, then we can have snack time.”
How to Use When-Then:
State what needs to happen first (the “when” part) and follow it with the reward or fun activity (the “then” part).
Be consistent so your child understands that privileges are earned.
Make sure the “then” is something your child values, whether it’s extra playtime, screen time, or a favorite snack.
Quick Tip: Keep rewards immediate and achievable to reinforce the connection between effort and outcome.
3. Practice “Catch Them Being Good” Approach
Children with ADHD often receive more negative feedback than positive, which can hurt self-esteem and contribute to frustration. Make it a habit to “catch them being good” by praising positive actions and focusing on their efforts.
How to Catch Your Child Being Good:
Notice when they follow instructions or manage their emotions well, and praise them right away.
Keep praise specific, like, “I noticed how patient you were waiting in line. That was awesome!”
Use small rewards to reinforce good behavior.
Quick Tip: Avoid general praise like “Good job.” Instead, describe exactly what they did well.
4. Break Down Tasks into Small Steps
Tasks that seem simple can feel overwhelming to a child with ADHD, which can lead to tantrums or frustration. Break down tasks into smaller, manageable steps, and guide them through each part to encourage progress.
How to Break Tasks Down into Smaller Steps:
For example, instead of saying, “Clean your room,” start with, “Let’s pick up all the books and put them on the shelf.”
Celebrate each small success along the way to keep them motivated.
Use a timer to give them structure if they struggle to stay on task.
Quick Tip: Gradually give them more independence with each step as they get more comfortable.
5. Use Calming Techniques Before Escalation
Tantrums are often rooted in feeling overwhelmed. Teaching your child calming strategies helps them manage strong emotions before things escalate.
How to Use Calming Techniques Before Escalation:
Practice deep breathing exercises, such as “smell the flower, blow out the candle,” to help them calm down.
Use sensory tools like a stress ball or a fidget spinner to redirect energy.
Create a “calm corner” where they can go to reset when feeling frustrated.
Quick Tip: Model these calming techniques yourself, showing them that even adults use calming strategies.
6. Stick to Consistent Routines
ADHD symptoms often improve with predictability and structure. Establishing consistent routines can help your child feel more in control, reducing tantrums and stress.
How to Stick to Routines:
Set specific times for activities like homework, meals, and bedtime.
Use visual reminders and checklists to help them stay on track.
Keep your own tone calm and neutral, especially during transitions.
Quick Tip: Reassure your child that it’s okay if things don’t go perfectly. Flexibility is also part of the learning process.
7. Take Care of Your Own Well-being
Parenting can be exhausting, particularly with the added challenges ADHD can bring. Staying calm and consistent is easier when you’re feeling your best, so make sure to prioritize self-care.
How to Take Care of Yourself:
Take breaks when needed; even a few minutes of breathing exercises can make a difference.
Seek support from other parents or professionals if you feel overwhelmed.
Remember that no one is perfect—self-compassion will go a long way.
Quick Tip: Reach out for ADHD parenting support groups online or in person to share and receive guidance.
Final Thoughts
Managing tantrums and other challenging behaviors can feel daunting, but these strategies are here to help make it easier. Consistency and patience are key, and over time, you’ll see positive changes in your child’s ability to self-regulate and respond to daily challenges. Remember, every small victory counts! By focusing on simple and actionable techniques, you can build a solid foundation for a healthy, happy family dynamic.